I am so depressed this morning.  I just watched a video that someone posted on myspace about a bueatiful little girl that was killed by her mothers new husband, while the little girls daddy was in Iraq.  Her new husband abused the girl for months, and eventually killed her.

It killed me a little bit inside.

I can't take it, I don't understand it.  Since I have had my little guy, I am so much more emoitional about the way that people treat childeren.  How could you even for one second hurt or let anyone else hurt your own blood?  You carry your baby for 9-10 months, you birth them, you care for them as they grow, and then you or someone you choose to have involoved in your life takes all of that away from you.

My worst fear ever since I got pregnant was that something might happen to Ty.  He is so special.  He is truely my everything, and if something ever happened to him I don't know that I could go on living.  If I was responsible for something happening to him I would NEVER EVER forgive myself, I would never be the same. 

I think about horrible things that could happen to him and I quickly act to remove those thoughts from my head because I don't want to have something happen to him because I am thinking about it.... I know, I am crazy, but the point is, doesn't everyone with kids think this way?  How could people do these things to their own kids and live with themselves?  How can you be directly linked to abuse of your kids in anyway!

Dear lord, please give me the ability to forget about those horible people out there that make this world scary to live in.  Give me the ability to be the best parent I can be, and allow me to show others why kids are so amazingly wonderful if they don't already know it!!! 

Man, talk about the rumor mill lately. 

Everyone seems to have an opnion on what one of our friends is choosing to do with her life (if you don't know who I am talking about, then you don't know her).  All-be-it the situation she is in SUCKS, and I am the first person to say it isn't the right path, but really it is none of my Fing business if I am not going to do anything to help the situation and just want to bitch about it publicly

Why be so creul to someone you know is already hurting and can't find their way?  Do you think it makes the situation better, do you think it helps them figure out where they are?  Well if you do, you are retarded, because it doesn't.

Don't get me wrong, self preservation is top of mind for everyone, but to preserve yourself you don't have to beat others down.  You can make the choice to not involove yourself with someone who is making the wrong choices with thier life, but does that mean you have to make sure everyone else feels the same way about that person as you do?  To me a friend is a friend.  Of course some people come and go, but I am old enough now to know that those that go sometimes come back, and even if they don't, me speaking out of turn and harassing them verbally doesn't make one bit of difference.

Basically, in my opnion, if you don't like someone that is your opnion, you don't need to share it unless you are trying to solve a problem.  If you are done with someone why do you waste your time tearing them down... obviously you still care, and if you still care, again, why tear them down?  It is a broken cycle that never ends, and if that is the type of person you are, well, I choose not to be around YOU!

We all know she is a good person at heart.  We all know what she is capable of and who she really is when she is herself.  She is the type of friend that would have stode in front of a bus to save someone she loved and wouldn't think for 2 seconds about it.  Now that bus is headed towards her at full speed and all you people are doing is giving it more gas to accelorate.  Please people, be supportive, remember who she was and why you were her friend to begin with.  If enough people show her they love her, instead of validating her fears that everyone hates her, well she might just have a chance of getting out of her rut.

I am working on finding a facility to help her.  If you are interested in being a part of that help, I welcome the mail.  If you aren't then please at least stop making the situation worse!!!!!!!!! 

Everyone always says becoming a parent is a life changing experience, but as much as it is said, none of it can be predicted. 

 

The first time I saw Ty I burst into tears, I had no idea the overwhleming power of love you could feel for someone you had just met.  I knew I would feel it, but the sensation isn't one you can explain or have explained to you.  This is what I have waited for and wanted, and I am so glad little Ty is the one that joined us.

 

Adjusting to another little human being in your life, one that can't talk and tell you what you are screwing up, is the hardest challenge I have ever been given.  I couldn't bare to hear him cry, so the first week of his life every time he made a peep I fed him and changed his diaper.  We went to the new born check up 10 days after his birth and he had already gained a pound and a half, so the doctor lectured me and told me to get him on a schedule.  Easy right.... YEAH SURE!!!  Now I have to listen to him cry sometimes with no way to ease his pain, and not only that but I had to start putting him in his crib at night rather then in bed with me so I didn't fuss over him every time he made the slightest noise. 

 

There have been many challenging nights, several that ended with me bawling so histarically that I couldn't breath, and my poor dear husband had to wake up every hour to rub my back and ease my parniod mind, but they have all been worth it.  Yesterday Ty turned 3 weeks old, and last night slept through his first feeding ever which is a sign that we might be on a slow road back to sleeping at night.  I of course couldn't bare the fact that he didn't wake up, so after a couple hours of sitting in the dark wondering if he was still breathing I snuck in his room and touched his head, and ended up waking him up to see if he was still alive.  I hear that is perfectly natural, but I did regret it after it was done (and secertly loved it because I got to hold him and feed him).

 

Every minute with my new little guy is amazing, even the hard minutes.  I look forward to watching him grow a little more every day.

So my new husband, Ricky, is taking up Dirt biking again (He use to do this a lot before he meet me), and in order to spend time with him, I figured I had better get my butt in gear and learn how to do this "Dirt Biking" thing.

 

We went out to the pit for some good quality time, and the only girl I know that does this, Nataile, showed me the true way for a girl to ride.  I am telling you, I had more fun that day then I have ever had in my life.  It is crazy how you can be so scared, yet have so much fun all at the same time.  When whinding through those nasty rocky trials, my heart was thumping, but I just couldn't bring my self to stop, or slow down for that matter.

 

Natalie is obviously an amazing rider, so she was hard to keep up with, but she stopped and waited for me before every turn, and checked on me when I took to long to catch up.  She was AMAZING!!  She tried to stop me one time to warn me about a deep puddle that was coming up, but unfortunetly I hadn't perfected the skill of stopping so just had to bail right by her.  That was a bad move, as I tried to hal butt through the puddle, but it was to deep so the second I got to the middle of the puddle, down I went.  It was hard getting the bike out of the puddle too, so I was extremely tired after I got back on dry ground, but MAN IT WAS FUN!!

 

Natalie should be getting her TTR 250 soon, so I will be buying her TTR 125 so I get a chance to partake in this fun even more.

 

I can't wait for Saturday, we are heading to Belfair......YEAH!!!

I had my batchlorette party this saturday and let me just say that the Bride's maids in my wedding are the best ever as I had THE MOST FUN EVER!!  There was a school girl theme, they bought me a complete outfit, and even rented a school bus to take us to and from the club.  I started the night being completely nervous and needing a couple of drinks (because this means my wedding is only 2 weeks away, HOLY CRIPS!!), but once the first couple of shots got me going, there was no stopping the fun!!

 

The girls were all hanging their butts out the window as we drove up to the club, and let me just tell you that I think they attracted every man in Seattle into the Hollowing moon bar.  We then danced and started playing with the batcholorette cards that I had to fulfill to get more drinks.  For some reason I couldn't find a man all night that wore tighty whities and were willing to show them to me ;0).  I did finish off a lot of others though, and let me just tell you that as a batchlorette, people will do almost anything to help you get more drinks :).

 

Thank you girls, SOO much, for being such amazing party planner, but not only that, the best friends any girl could ask for.  Check out the pics, but if you want to see them all (There are over a couple hundered), hit me up and I will get you the link to my dad's website location.

 

I LOVE YOU!!